Summer 2010, for me, is different. It’s not the season that marks a new chapter, but the changes that came along with it that. Exactly a year ago I was going through major changes as well: moving cities, making decisions, attempting to shape my future. I remember listening to The Real Tuesday Weld’s “Last Words,” Priscilla Ahn, Meg and Dia, The Shins and reliving all these memories of when I would listen to those songs on repeat. As nostalgic as I felt, I was excited. Change was good.
Change can either be exciting or scary. As human beings and especially in this society, we are constantly trying to control things. We buy creams to control old age. We constantly plan to control the future. We buy birth control pills to control our periods. We get upset when we can’t control the way other people are. When were not in control of things, we freak out. Sometimes, we can’t admit that there are some parts of our life that we will never be able to change. Call it fate. Call it God’s will. Call it providence. Call it karma.
I know for a fact that this upcoming year will bring dramatic changes. 2011 is going to be another turning point and hopefully there will be some surprising news to bring. I am scared shitless. I feel sad sometimes, so I cry. I am so anxious to the point that I can’t concentrate. I become nostalgic as I look at pictures from last year . But oddly enough, I feel refreshed. I feel humbled. It’s refreshing to feel all these emotions. I have never felt so alive. I have never felt so human.
Now it’s time to pack my bags again, make new playlists to listen to, new memories to look back at, weed out the past, and look towards to future. For now, it’s all unwritten.